Thursday, June 3, 2010

Umm Hmm...

Wait, the phrase is "KISSING cousins?" I was just supposed to kis...oh...awkward....

I don't want hand gun bands, I mean, are they going to shoot the audience if they don't clap? Huh...hand gun BAN? Well, that's different...

(In public toilet) Guy 1 "Hey, don't just leave me hanging" Guy 2 "You know better than that!" Me "Please let them be talking about a hi 5"

Lets blur the names/faces of all mass shooters & call them nameless asshole #1 etc. No more fame for them. It's what they want. So no more!

Word to the soon to be wiser. Consider you significant others' body a company and have a lot of stock, but you do not own it!

Have you ever had someone pre-reject you, then learn you weren't interested? That moment when they go from smug to humiliated is awesome!

You can either try to force someone to respect you...or you can replace them with someone who does. You really only have those two choices.

Stop movies & tv shows that say thick women can't get sex. Ladies, we want to have sex with you SEVERAL times daily. That is all.

There is a vaccine for the disease of the cable news echo chamber. It's called going anywhere else for information...and it's FREE!!!!!

NEVER say "Why didn't you______? " instead try "Next time would you mind_____?" because you'll never like the answer to the first question.

Remember when sports color commentators knew when to shut the heck up? Me neither.

What people do in the privacy of their own bedrooms is nobody's business...and I'm selling the hidden videos to prove it. Wait, what?

BP should make the oil slick a priest, then tell the church it grabbed an altar boys butt. We'd never see that slick again...not here anyway.

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