The pretty lady at the sandwich shop accidently touched my sandwich. It actually tasted better where she touched it. I love women too much!!
Hi police officer that's obviously running my plates while driving behind me. My laughing at you should have told you how clean I am.
They say "Don't be in the stands, get out on the field!"
I say "I'm not on the field, but soon...I'll be in the owners box. So STFU!"
I'm making a pimp slapping motion with my hand now...i'm tired...whoever is deserving of one, could you just walk into it please?
I bought oranges on the side of the road and the guy tried to up-sell me into buying a power juicer. And you say they're not Americans!
We had all better hope that Jehovah's Witnesses don't recruit hotel maids. Imagine getting awaken for a 6 am cleaning and prayer meeting!