Sunday, September 1, 2013

"Safe word? That was an option?"
- The last few words before the ambulance and police arrive

If I'm there when you come out of the shower, I am going to sniff you. I'm just telling you so it won't get weird...okay....weirdER.

Serena Williams.
Sloane Stephens.
I hope this tennis match lasts for a year... then I hope they both come to my house and marry me.

I save my armpit hair. Why dye it when you can just reuse your own?
See? I'm always thinking.

Lapdancers pay to sit in my lap.

I used to practice KISSING on my hand. hand goes ALL THE WAY! 
Yeah... she brings her twin sister too. Aw yeah...

Fake boobs and fake buttcheeks taste like the real thing so I'm okay with them.

Okay ladies, we counter your "Twerking" with our "Click clacking"
Yeah. It's on.