Saturday, April 30, 2011

trump. Asshole. Potato. PotAto.

A thong, a two piece bathing suit or one piece...a sweet ass is a sweet ass. Stop worrying ladies, I'm there for you.

I bought those new sneakers that "replace your trainer". I tried to make love with them.... I want my trainer back...she's got boobies.

To avoid arguments, stay away from religion and politics. I was just saying that to your mother and wife as we finished our threesome.

Do good things, don't do bad things. Yup. You're welcome. Giving "Self help talks" is what I do. Again, you're welcome. Pay on the way out.

I never WIN popularity contests...then again I don't enter those motherf*ckers either. So there's that.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Wait, the Royal Wedding is OVER!?! *throws down plane ticket, rips up invitation*

First Chelsea Clinton, then William & Kate decide not to invite the Obamas to their wedding. Don't young white couples know how much fun middle aged black couples are at parties?

Breaking Fake News! In another slap in the face to the President, trump doesn't invite the Obamas to his cross burning. Film @ 6 & 11.

I'm thinking up lame side products to sell when my career stalls and I need attention.

William IN Kate. THAT I'll watch at 4am.

Breaking Fake News! trump realizes that his Taj Mahal in A.C is named after a building in India, vows to bomb it during his inauguration.

I really want Oprah and Gayle to make out on her final show. Also at my house.

I'm thinking up lame side products to sell when my career stalls and I need attention.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Orly Taitz. Donald Trump. NEVER in the same place. Discuss.

Maury just got an invitation to the Royal wedding....uh oh.

I'm hoping that the people who ridiculed Lara Logan right after her assault, keep their f*cking mouths shut after her interview Sunday.

With the Royal Wedding being at 4am, it's sure to DOMINATE the methhead and hooker demo. Sorry Jersey Shore!

Either that dog is in the middle of brushing his teeth...or you may want to bet back in the house NOW!

I'm getting tired of having my teeth clank against your boob piercings ladies...I won't stop slurping your boobs though. I'm not crazy!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Breaking Fake News! President releases college transcripts, proves brilliance, Trump breaks down, pisses self, chants N-word. Film @ 11!

Mr. Trump, stop taking it out on the President. It's NOT his fault that Omarosa wouldn't give you any p*ssy.

"Silly bigots, birth certificate tricks are for kids!" #trumpbreakfastcereal

S. Anthony says... (Message to a Media Whore)

A disingenuous, bigoted, lying, cowardly, mean spirited, media whore. That is how I would describe Mr. Trump. It had LONG been established that Mr. Obama was born IN THIS COUNTRY, yet you continued to keep this ridiculous story alive because it was THE ONLY way you could get Presidential press.

You threw your lot in with the "birthers". I as an African American man, know what it's like to have my achievements and intelligence disrespected and dismissed by someone who refused to believe that "someone like me" was capable of such things. That is what being a "birther" is about. They seem to me to be people who can't take having a person of color in the White House. It's the only way to describe the idiocy of these completely inaccurate and moronic claims.

I don't know if you're a racist, but what I do know is this:

If you try to get into the good graces of racists.... (See description of "birthers" above)

...use badly veiled racist arguments (How'd HE get into...?)

Well then you might be a....

You should be ashamed of yourself, but I know you're not. Media whores usually aren't. That's what you are sir, a media're just a vagina-less one, because you have NOTHING to offer and NOTHING to back up your lies.

- S. Anthony Thomas.

(One of "The Blacks" who actually watched your show, but NEVER WILL watch ANYTHING you're on again)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I just found the President's birth certificate in my glove compartment. Well Trump, I guess you'll have to discuss policy now...come back!

Breaking Fake News!!! Trump says that Obama isn't qualified to be President because he doesn't pass the "Paper Bag test" Film @ 11

Single payer in Vermont? That dude is going to be broke! Oh, you mean... nevermind. #cornyonpurpose

In a response to NBC's "THE VOICE"....Spike TV brings you "The Armpit Fart"

Monday, April 25, 2011

Congress has become a bizzarro street gang. They get into the club with NO problem...and the middle class gets "*jumped in". (*Look it up)

I have ALWAYS BEEN an outsider that was cool enough to be offered temporary guests passes by cliques. It USED to bother me. Now? Nope. As a young person it was painful, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

I became a critical thinker. I mean, I had NO group to think FOR me. I wish that I could tell the little me years ago, that the mean treatment and game playing by the "Cool Kids" would actually make me ridiculously strong and exponentially more intelligent emotionally. Thanks assholes!


MY bible actually has the Easter bunny in it. If YOURS doesn' are the problem, heathens!

Boom! (To be different, I like to accent non-actions with that) *silence* I just pulled someone from a burning car. Yeah, opposites are fun.

Hey religious leaders who milk extreme political issues, you're making the number of atheists in the U.S. look like the national debt clock.

Hayley Barbour isn't running for President. Neither am I. The news has exactly the same impact. That is all.

"Winning" a "War" about words that should NEVER be in the same sentence...

The U.S. is starting to resemble an expanded version of the "Stanford prison experiment"

Looking on my GPS for “The f*ck outta here”…because that’s where I’m going.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Upon further review, the call is inconclusive and I can keep my bribe....

Sunday blows without football. (Editor's note: This statement will no longer apply when I'm rich.)

Seeing the world as it REALLY is, initially is very frightening & disappointing....but eventually liberating. Also, boobs taste good.

I've seen the edited out parts of EVERY beer commercial. That's when the hotties walk past the drunk losers and bang the bar OWNER. Yup.

Hallmark Hall of Fame movies are like rogue missionaries from the Lifetime Network that attack other channels looking to take new territory.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Stop signs apply to luxury vehicles too, right? Then someone tell the jackass that almost ran into me please.

Let's hope that the antibiotics of knowledge & civility wash away the bacteria of racism, homophobia and idiocy by the 113th congress.

I'm going to streak at the royal wedding....what, 4am? Nevermind, I'll just walk around my house bottomless and streak "in spirit"

So, ANYTHING that HELPS people is BAD? Hey, corporations are PEOPLE now, so when do you start f*cking them TOO? "NEVER" isn't a month! Oh.

Dog the bounty hunter replaced by iphone in cable series. Film at 11.

When asking your nephew to look up something on the internet for you DON'T say "Surf it up for me!" He will laugh at you...I heard...

Friday, April 22, 2011

I'm going to randomly begin pronouncing "US" as "Uh-huuuus" like Katy Perry does in the California Girls song. I'm a strong Black man! Yeah!

Teenagers trying to intimidate me at the coffee shop....hahahahahahahahaha! That is all.

How long before Dana White takes over the Springer show?

Ah, the post vomit kiss. It's true love...or low self esteem...or you're kissing a homeless person...or...I've got nuthin'.....

Compliment given...ignored. Compliment given...ignored. No Compliment given..."Don't you LIKE ME!?!"

If your significant other asks you "Are you jealous?" with a SMILE on their face....dump the muthaf*cker! Trust me. It won't end well.

My ex bragged to friends about what I did to her in bed. They ALL took a run at me. I said no. She was a cheater. I should've done them huh?

Hey, guy who tries to make ANOTHER guy look bad in front of HIS lady... THEY laugh at YOU later after THEY f*ck all night. Nice try loser!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Breaking News! Outlaw Biker Gangs sue 112th congress and NEW governors for copyright infringement. Film @ 6 & 11.

If you call someone and their answer is "Wa...wa...wa..wait a minute!" What they're doing is MORE important than finding your pen. Okay!?!

Aww, did mean Jerry Seinfeld hurt your feelings Donald? Why don't you lash out like a five year old? Very presidential. Next fairy tale...

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Would someone please come up with a viable third party to occupy the center so we can put extremists in the trash can where they belong?

Grow up Google! I was looking for "DICK'S Sporting Goods"!

Really dude, duct tape on your license plate to save $2 on tolls? How much did the tape cost loser? Save some for your visit to jail.

In an effort to find out what "TOO far" is, the 112th congress votes to make puppy skeet shooting MANDATORY in ALL "Blue" states.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Michael Strahan & Kelly? Interesting. Hey racists.... imagine THOSE know. Her stomach would look like a snake swallowing a rabbit!

Breaking News! A member of the 112th congress actually feels compassion for a Constituent and bursts into flames immediately. Film @ 6 & 11.

Breaking News! Trump sends investigators to the "Hair Club for Men" in attempt to prove that Romney's hair is fake. Film @ 11!

Doubt ME at your own risk. Heh heh heh...

I'm ABOVE popularity contests. I'm happy being "just popular enough!" ...who am I kidding!?! LOVE ME DAMMIT!!! ME! ME! ME!!!!

Comprehension should be taught in schools...and not just for reading. Please include hearing as well. Some people really need it.

MY balls are "peppery" #imnotlikeyou

Monday, April 18, 2011

I make my money as the "Bad decision and histrionics coach" for deadbeat dads on "MAURY" Yeah, I'm proud.

I'm teaching a "Bad and unintentionally awkward segue" class for local news anchors...I believe you've seen my work. You're welcome!

Hey, people that make commercials, do you know what would be great? Paying the REAL artists and NOT half ass knock offs to sing their songs

I LOVE Lady Gaga’s NEW single “The devil has a nice ass” I thinks she’s going to get in MORE trouble though….

When YOU tear down art from museums, YOU lose the right to call OTHERS Nazis. Just saying...

Is everyone enjoying the new congress, the new governors? Next time go to an S & M club and stop hurting OTHERS. We're NOT into THAT!

Who wants to join me in breaking into UPS and writing in big red letters the contents inside of discreetly marked packages!?! C'mon!

Screw QVC. I'm selling EVERYTHING during a PBS pledge drive, Can you say MARK UP!?!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Today's weather reminds me of my ex. It looks HOT but feels COLD. Also, it's a lying skank. Wait, what?

I push elevator buttons with my (edit)...YOU should too. Then see who has the (edits) to STILL re-push the buttons. Yeah, free time is good.

Ladies, if I'm doing weird stuff to you in bed and you've done it before, just enjoy it. Don't pretend you've NEVER done it. I'm NOT fooled!

Watching a hottie try to seductively eat spaghetti to get your attention, burn herself and spit it back into her plate....yeah, THAT.

Fame/the spotlight = intense pressure. It either makes you a diamond or crushes you....or you just turn into a big ass wipe.

Strangers, want to avoid an uncomfortable moment? Stop asking people if you can hold their baby. We all assume that you can lift 8 lbs, OK?

Legalize weed and make being an asshole illegal. FYI, this will solve more than the two obvious problems. You're welcome world!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Remember my earlier post about secretly being born in KENYA? Well it was Kenya Pennsylvania! Suck it Trump!!!!

From the makers of "Secret Millionaire" comes the NEW show about the 112th congress! "Keeping Secrets FOR Millionaires" THIS FALL!!!

Male shake weight commercial. No. Stop. Gender equality should NOT apply to this. Women ONLY please. Thanks.

Ladies, I speak for ALL men. If I was in you 23/6...I'd be plotting to get in you 24/7. (The more you know)

Congress, it's one thing to be a whore, it's another to be mean spirited, heartless, dirty whores. That is what YOU are.

Trump, if you think that it's going to be forgotten that you played ball with these disgusting racists to get attention and maybe a're wrong. For doing that, I believe Cee Lo Green said it best "Fuck you!" -S. Anthony Thomas (aka one of "The Blacks")

Forget that "Let game be decided by men" crap. Instant replay for ALL sports. Men invented instant...huh? Space robots? Oh. Never mind me.

So...the fact that we have a bunch of ape shit crazy people in government hasn't sunk in yet, huh? Okay.

I'm starting to turn into one of those sports fans that is starting to give less and less of a damn until the championships. I'm...ashamed.

Can what Palin does to Obama really be called "Ripping"? Sometimes being a contrarian just for attention says more about YOUR DEFICIENCIES.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

You know that person that screws up your plans by just showing up? Yeah...THAT. Right NOW! Why ME!?!

Dancing with the Stars....get someone ON THE WAY UP! It'll add to your credibil....nevermind.

112th congress...making the black guy in the White house less scary to bigots since November. - Tee shirt idea


Hey, guys who invented "Jackass", thanks for encouraging the people who produce the show "Wipeout"

- Signed

Intelligent people of America that use sarcasm regularly.


I want to run for, I can't. As much as I try to pretend that I don't, I actually still give a damn. I'm unqualified.

I prefer getting into women's delicious vaginas sexually, NOT legislatively. It's MUCH MUCH better that way. Also, boobs. Yes, sweet boobs. Oh, and yummy booty. I've said too much...

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Not ALL thoughts are for sharing passive aggressive snide comment at exactly the worst time person. Get away from me.

I'm surprised that no one has gone on a rainy day tailgater shooting spree yet.

Now Walmart and P&G are co-producing a romantic comedy on FOX? This is going to be gooood! *puts down ipecac syrup because it's now moot*

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Yo, rude skinny couple. STOP staring at the fat guy eating the salad. He's either lying or trying. Either way, leave him alone a-holes!

I'm still writing "Testing this pen" on ALL my checks.

Trump's NEW talk show following "The Talk" is "The STFU". I would watch that.

Let's as a nation collect $20million & promise to give it ALL tax FREE to the first person that makes a romantic comedy that DOESN'T blow.

My TEA just spilled onto my health insurance forms....coincidence? Also the stain spelled out the words OBAMA's from KENYA...coincidence?

So, they (Fox & friends) thought that "Walgreens" had the same medical impact as "Planned Parenthood"? They officially pass the MORON test.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Monday sucks, coffee is good. Well, see you tomorrow, my work here is done! ;-)

Man, I really Wish people would invite me to some events on Facebook. (Editors note: Don't invite me to lame assed events. Thanks)

Hey Superman, why fly around the world to go backward in time? Just fly to congress. Efficiency my Kryptonian friend. Efficiency!

I was secretly born in Kenya.

One sweet boob. One delicious female butt cheek. - My proposal for NEW pudding and whipped cream serving sizes.

Rihanna & Britney are collaborating. Buy your hand lotion stock NOW!

A lady that I slept with had "Las Vegas" panties on and AFTERWARD she said to me *teasing* "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!" I have never wanted to unf*ck someone so badly in my whole life. (True)

New word...Powerbanging. You're welcome.

Lawyer :1 I'm taking a case to the supreme court that'll help working people!

Lawyer 2: You'll lose 5-4

Lawyer 1: How do you know?...Oh.
"Internment camps for the writers of romantic comedies"- Vote S. Anthony Thomas in 2012 Independent Candidate for President

I only have a guest pass to the cool kids club. I think they just want to keep getting the renewal fee.

My cult following's cult following has a cult following. In other words, the only person that likes me is THAT GUY. Hey! Where are you going dude? Get back here!!!!!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Special message to guys, "REGULAR lady's" vaginas feel just as good as famous lady's vaginas. (I've had sex with BOTH) So calm the hell down. (No, I Won't say who)

Trump would be LESS of an embarrassment if he crapped his pants on live television than this crap he's pulling on us now.

Passengers in cars, silence is okay. Always remember that shutting the hell up is ALWAYS a viable option. Thanks.

So, your coffee maker has your coffee ready when you wake up? Yeah, that makes up for your crappy life. You ARE important now!

Insert "Shake Weight" joke HERE. Please include masturbation references whether it's the male or female commercial. I don't feel like it...

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Famous, Rich, Prom, Wedding. If NONE of these apply to you and you're in a are officially a d-bag. Yup.

When attempting to do something on a massive scale it's great to have the support of friends & family and fortunate that it's not mandatory.

If ANY substance had the same effect on people that being in DC had on politicians....that sh!t would be banned in days!

So, we're not going to elect any more extremist a-holes, right? Right?

*click* Yes. *clique* No.

Imagine if it was illegal to: call yourself NEWS if you lie, a Church if you preach HATE or a public servant if you ONLY serve YOU. Hmm...

Unions, you may have to protest outside of the national "news?" stations....MAYBE then they'll stop ignoring you like their bosses want.

Most pleasing personality...check, most likely to play the token black guy in an Olive Garden commercial....STILL waiting...

Ladies, you do realize that the Just for Men commercials are insulting you, right? His hair magically changes color and you’re now a nympho?

Enjoying all the attention from the extremists Trump? What do you think is going to happen when you stop playing them, huh?

Do you know how hard it is for me to stay away from "Wig Party" jokes about Trump? You should be proud of me.

Friday, April 8, 2011

If only we could keep the rest of the Government OPEN and shut down Congress. Lord knows they'll just f*ck things up if they stay open.

I’m a registered INDEPENDENT voter…why? Because I’m NOT crazy/evil or a pushover/sad sack.

Some of these lady millionaires on Secret Millionaire are hot! I'd like to surprise THEM! I'm not really poor, I just wanted to bang you.

I'M CURED! One MORE person has just landed on my very short "fu*k 'em" list. (And NOT the fun one)

Thursday, April 7, 2011

"When boning your son's teammate isn't embarrassing enough" the hot New York Times bestseller by Gloria James (Lebron's mom)

I'm sending investigators to NY to find Trump's common sense.

GOP misunderstands Proactiv commercial and want to bomb them for "drying up the oil" Embarrassed...they proceed as planned. Film @ 11

I've figured it out. Billionaires are making being one so disgusting, that you don't want to be one, ENSURING that you won't. Slick mofos!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Everytime I hear someone from congress speak, I realize that Keyser Söze is NOT "Roger "Verbal" Kint"

Hey, you don't have to check MY email. I love Rachel Maddow. If you have a problem with that....kiss my beautiful chocolate ass.

If you're so busy plotting against your neighbor that you don't notice the pit bull biting grandma #uvotedforthiscongress

Uh, you guys know that the kids aren't eating the toys in the happy meals, right?

Hey, hip indie directors...would you mind doing something OTHER than period pieces so I can do your movies...without wearing chains? Thanks.

When reading some of the comments on political blogs it becomes clear that closed minds are really good at keeping all the stupid in.

When someone Anthropomorphizes's time to break up.

About those 70's black sitcoms and the way white people were portrayed....sorry about that white people, we're NOT even, but still, sorry.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

*awkward silence* So.... *more awkward silence* Can we just agree that THIS is going nowhere? Good. *gets up...leaves*

I could NEVER be President. 1 hour in office and I'd have Boehner et al on the phone saying "What the f*ck did you say about me bitch!?!"

A sweaty Jillian Michaels on top of me screaming. Yes. That would be good.

Why do people on a TV reality/game show cry when someone leaves? The idea is to GET RID OF everyone but YOU! Did you not READ the rules?

Emotionally stable people = horrible television apparently.

Monday, April 4, 2011

There will be NO walkouts when I go back on tour...because....YOU WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO LEAVE... EVER! Muahahahaha!

I wish all of this stupid crap that the new congress is pulling ONLY applied to the mofos that voted for them...THEN, i'd have no problem.

"Wishing you were tightly wrapped around HERE"
- Fortune Condom

NO politician will EVER be able to keep ALL campaign promises, okay? Also Santa, the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy aren't real. Sorry.

I want JLO's ass & Kim K's ass to do a buddy MY house...FOREVER. Yup.

Congress wants to KILL Medicare!?! MILLION WALKER MARCH! NOW!

ALL episodes of Married with Children with the character "Seven" should be burned and forgotten. Thanks.

Ever seen the TV show "The Prisoner"? Congress is trying to cast you in the live version...

Sunday, April 3, 2011

I was going to watch and live tweet the Celebrity Apprentice...but as soon as he started that birther sh!t...the "Fu*k em" light came on.

So...did those dopes really expect Charlie Sheen to turn into John Leguizamo? Live performing isn't for everyone!

Is it a bad sign that I'm online this late on a Sunday? What about the crying and diaper wearing...singing I'm a little teapot? Hmmm?

I'll join the illuminati when they unionize.

S. Anthony Thomas' "Land mines of Lies...retreat is probable depending on the circumstances tour" is coming to a theater near YOU!!!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

I just found out that MY MMA cage name is..."S. Anthony Thomas". This Facebook app sucks!

It's quiet...too quiet.... *backs slowly off of the web*

I'm going to burn the Wall Street Journal to see if Cantor and Boehner go crazy and start pimp slapping interns. I mean it is THEIR bible.

Mising a layup in B-ball has got to be the most embarrassing... did that guy in the suit splash his own pee on himself off of that tree?

Say what you will about Kim K....I'll just say this, if she's single when I'm famous and she gives ME her's sooo going to be on!
My friend's iphone blew me.

Friday, April 1, 2011

I love watching TV hosts when they say what they think is an applause line and don't get it...ah...priceless.

Hey everybody it April 112th congress/new Governor's Day! Huh?....April FOOL'S Day? What's the difference? (Huh, see what I did there?)

I'm starting to think that these fri night news shows showing people getting killed at home are sponsored by bars and restaurants...slick...