Do you realize that parents primary job for the first 6 years or so is to keep the little knuckle heads from killing themselves accidently?
(This is my reply to a friend on twitter. I put it here because I think it's kind of funny) I just found out, if you have 3 kids in my local hospital....you get the next kid left on a church step....FREE!!! Yeah!!
Fishing for compliments takes too long. From now on, I'm kidnapping for compliments! Do you like these shoes?...AND DO YOU LIKE YOUR DOG!?!
I just did an audition where I said the same thing over and over and left not knowing if I got the job...so ladies, I'm ready for marriage.
A cheating friend said "Marriage is nothing but a piece of paper" I said "The same is true with money...and you keep throwing both away!"
You know that a company is making tons of dough when it's product is pouring out and they drag their feet stopping it. Amirite BP?
Fake murders bore us, so now news magazines use real crimes as entertainment. In my old hood I saw the touring company perform crimes live.