Monday, October 31, 2011

Young men that live with women for the first time, her showers that are LONGER than 10 minutes= you will probably be fucking soon. Unless you do something stupid to screw it up. Just so you know.

Hey Herman Cain, that smile at the end of your weird campaign ad has "Sexual Harassment" written all over it!

I would love 72 days with Kim K. They would have to be spread out over a couple of years though...

Happy "Get annoyed by OTHER people's children begging at your door" day!

I'm trying to get "hating your relatives" accepted as an Olympic sport. If I can, that gold medal is MINE!!!!

TV, tell the truth, you're not even trying anymore are you? Come on, you can tell me...

Rick Perry....crazy speech. That's better than sexual harassment. YOUR turn Herman Cain.

If you bring your kid to MY house after 8pm on Halloween...I'm handing out really loud noise makers. Yeah, let's see how YOU like being annoyed!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

One of my nephews is going with friends to feed the homeless on thanksgiving. Great. I can't wait to steal stuff from his room when he's gone.

Of all of the places that had "occupy" protests, the last city that I thought would have police fuck people up would be Denver.

Alright, I have 2000 followers now on twitter. Where is MY Kardashian?

Pat Buchanan: Occupy Wall Street Is "Going To End Very, Very Badly"
 --The rest of the world: "So is your biography"

For Halloween I'm going out as an adult sized child that's not too embarrassed to beg his neighbors for candy and then act like it didn't happen the next day.

Ginger Ale is the sweat collected from redheads kept in captivity. Sorry, it's NOT just from the HOT ones. Hey, they're trying to cut costs

Spittoon by the bed means you're gonna get head. - Things that I'm embarrassed to tweet, but just did anyway

Dear gorgeous women walking around with angry looks on your face...STOP THAT! It's like watching someone burn art.

When I see how much damage a couple of super rich guys can do, I wonder how much good equally powerful good folk could do. To test this theory, I'm taking donations. I'll only need 50-60 billion. LET'S GO!!!!!!

Stop wanting someone that DOESN'T want YOU. It will ALWAYS end badly. Hey, to make you feel better, I'll do you, okay? Feel better now?

Saturday, October 29, 2011

"I am in the 1%, not financially, I mean at giving that good lovin'!"
- things guys say that make a woman change her mind about sex with him... (not)


CLEAN bill of health from the Doctor. I can start REALLY WORKING OUT again!!!!

Helloooooooo old body. See you SOON!!

…and Standup, keep that bed warm for me girl. I’ll be home SOON!


Someone please digitize my life lessons and upload them to Madden. Maybe if I pop up in their video games my little cousins will hear me!

In this economy, don't give out expensive tickets, kick guys in the the schmuck who tailgated me on an obviously icy street.

I want to ask myself why I bother, but I realize now that it's easier to just not bother.

All of the great cameras and not one neighbor hot enough to illegally tape through a hole in her shower wall. Times are tough.

Give me a tee-shirt as a present, I will strangle you with it. You have now been warned. (Unless you are a hot lady wearing it, then cool!)

Change is inevitable, learn from history BEFORE we lose people to the struggle again. People in power...history is NOT on YOUR side.

No one has EVER gotten laid while watching Nick jr...EVER.

Dear guy in the car behind me, I can see things that you can't... so shut the fuck up, or drive around me and get hit by the cop car coming.

Friday, October 28, 2011

My gift? I can have pleasurable, informative & funny conversations with ANYONE. You'd know that if you weren't such a freaking loser. Oops.

"Thanks for beating him up and not sleeping with him, now look what we have to deal with!" - Americans to Paul Ryan's high school classmates

I did NOT win the powerball lottery. Random midnight assaults of people that I don't like TEMPORARILY averted.....

"Aw shit, Rodney King just joined our "occupy our city""
- What you would say if that actually happened

I can't wait until I'm successful enough to stop giving a shit about people in need. Yeah....the dream....

Paul Ryan looks like a pissed off former child star...who was home idiot parents.

Sometimes you look at people, and you just know that they are on the wrong side of history. Hi congress! Talking to YOU!

The NBA just cancelled my pick up game Sunday. Full of ourselves much NBA?

Are people STILL using the term "Kissing cousins"? If not, I'm going to need a new one to describe what I'm doi...uh....*covers face, runs*

I'm cathecting the woman that hands to me the chocolate soft serve at the Checkers drive in. Don't judge...that stuff is good.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

I just "Beat my flu symptoms" and his MMA expert older brother diarrhea is running toward me. I'M OUTTA HERE! *gets into car and peels out*

Down south they do Civil War Oakland they do Civil Rights reenactments apparently. Shame on you. #OccupyOakland

Rain rain go away. Huh? The rest is "come again another day"? I hate passive-aggressive songs. Just tell the rain to go away damn it!

"Dear women who keep their armpits hairless and smooth...thanks."
- Guys that do things to women's pits but don't want stubble burn.

I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone for the wonderful birthday wishes! Thanks! Also, to the the one of you that grabbed my butt when I was not looking....buttocks have TWO cheeks! LET'S GO! Get back here and finish the job! I need all of the action that I can get!

I just had a car behind me, honk through my car at the car in front of me. My first vehicular reach around. Didn't like it.






*"Congress, take Wall Street's balls out of your mouth so I can understand you!"

My dentist cancelled.....AGAIN! RACIST!!!!! What? He's black too? Could you put that "card" back in the deck please. Thanks...

Little known fact: The pimp slap was invented by an overzealous high fiver with poor depth perception. Yeah...I teach you things too.

Hey Cowboy hat guy that keeps posting veiled racism against the President on my Facebook page, at least lose the cowboy hat and gun. Okay?

Dear people that do the travel catheter didn't mention having hand sanitizer in the bag.  EEEEEWWWWW! Gross!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I'm going to start talking like "old-time-y" news reel voice over guys...because I want strangers to secretly hate me and call me a d-bag.

No random comedy website, you are showing the best tweets by comedians...that YOU know. I know people too...with BETTER tweets. YUP!

Ever met the boyfriend of a young female relative...and something tells you he's screwing her? Is it okay to want to step on his neck?

Rugby? ME? Nope. Too much like Thanksgiving.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The following posts are going to be crazy, wacky thoughts...DO NOT TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY !!

I don't eat Fruit Loops because it's sometimes used as a slur. Same with Cocoa Puffs.

Porn is lame. I get turned on by watching slightly overweight, middle aged women try on bras in infomercials. I can actually get THEM!

Only weird guys get turned on by women eating bananas. What gets me going is women shooting milk out of their nose. DON'T JUDGE ME!

Monday, October 24, 2011

I like my women like I like my coffee, hot, black and gently caressed by attractive 20 something baristas.

Well...gotta go and write jokes that I'll later tell to slightly intoxicated strangers. See you later.

The trash can, invisible. My chocolate soy milk, wrapped in a brown paper bag behind 10 things....obviously in plain sight. #teensatmyhouse

Stop robbing pizza delivery guys. I'm not driving to get that stuff damn it!

The only thing MORE uncomfortable to watch than Herman Cain explain his positions is News Anchors trying to be funny or segue to the weather.

My dentist cancelled my appointment for Thursday. He'd better have my $100 for cancelling...or it may effect his credit.

My birthday is close to Halloween so that's when I celebrate it. That's why I open my door and TAKE candy from kids. Happy birthday ME!!!!

You'll NEVER get a true measure of your running speed until you smack an athletic person at a sidewalk cafe in the head with your genitals.

Life isn't a bed of roses, okay it is sometimes...and sometimes it's like having to clean that crap up as she runs out saying "I'd help but I'm late for work!"

Sunday, October 23, 2011

When someone YOUR age dies, do you rethink your life... or do you hope something weird killed THEM so you DON'T have to think about it?

When is someone going to invent the "testicle bra"?

When my home town team isn't playing, I lose about 75% of my interest in football.  On the other hand, I can watch ANY porn star. Yup.

"I get laughed at in the gym after having the surgery to make my balls hang evenly. Can you reverse it doc?" - No dude ever

‎*Congressional Reform Act of 2011*

1. No Tenure / No Pension.
A Congressman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they are out of office.

2. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security.
All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, and Congress participates with the American people. It may not be used for any other purpose.

3. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan, just as all Americans do.

4. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.

5. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.

6. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the American people.

7. All contracts with past and present Congressmen are void effective 1/1/12.

The American people did not make this contract with Congressmen. Congressmen made all these contracts for themselves. Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, so ours should serve their term(s), then go home and back to work.

If each person contacts a minimum of twenty people then it will only take three days for most people (in the U.S.) to receive the message. Maybe it is time.


- Warren Buffett (via mindbabies on tumblr)

Saturday, October 22, 2011

I have a tattoo of a black man's forearm on MY forearm that I look at it....I may have made a bad call....where is it again dude?

Is there any way that we can go back to having 2 minute commercial breaks on TV? I almost forgot what fucking show that I'm watching!

College football reminds me of the USA. 5 schools get ALL the good players and everyone else lines up to get their asses kicked. Yup.

Paging Mr Ahs...Mr Kismuh Ahs!

Other person: "I haven't decided who I'll vote for yet, I mean who's running?"
---Me: (In my head) "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Friday, October 21, 2011

Coming soon.....The Rapture? No. A Global Revolution? Yes. The difference're WELCOME to JOIN US Mr Camping.

You choose to use your size to get lower prices on products, but not to get healthcare for your employees...okay, got it. Nice work Walmart.

Relax, Harold Camping said he was beginning a "Rap Tour". People... get your ears cleaned...and get your tickets for M.C. Senile LIVE!!!

With the popularity of MMA and the increase in the number of handguns, pimpin' has gotten even LESS easy. Film at 11!

lf only my voting both (like my computer screen) had an option to close all tabs on the right...

I'm working on a GIF of me slapping the shit out of someone for making too many annoying GIFS.

'Uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh here comes the hammer!" - Serial killer victims

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Gaddafi, Bin Laden, Al Qaeda #2, Al Qaeda #2, Al Qaeda #2,.... Now, let's have some Wall Street perp walks...

I finally decide to sell my soul to the Illuminati and now EVERYBODY is occupying wall street and messing it up. HOW...DARE...YOU!!!

The leading cause of death for teens? Car crashes.
Number 2? Mad parents at the accident scene.
Number 3? Hit by another car running from parents at the accident scene

I'm a black man. You knew? Who told you?

I'll bet that most reporters who are parents ignore their kids having a tantrum at the toy store, yet Rush Limbaugh they encourage daily.

There is no cool way to buy ex-lax, but nice try bro. Nice try.

When will his followers realize that Harold Camping is saying "Your world is coming to an end!" to himself in the mirror? Stop worrying.

We get a 2 week build up to Christmas, BUT I dress up like a zombie and knock on people's doors for candy a little early and I get grief.

Obama cures cancer, GOP says that Obama is personally attacking the sunscreen industry and costing them jobs Film at 11!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

"I'm casting ill informed assholes in my next film, someone contact the racists that ALWAYS write to the newspaper op-ed section!" - no one

Dear old white guys, NEVER say "Right On!" to me. I like you already, just stop trying so hard. Thanks.

"Find the right woman, she can make you a better even RIGHTER woman makes you better AND gets it on with you constantly" -  ME

Why does Michelle Bachmann keep calling me a "Libyan American"?

Hippies? You just called the (Occupy Wall Street) protesters Hippies? Please take the 1967 calendar off of your wall and the Banker's balls out of your mouth.

My mother just called me and complained that “…every time she puts something intellectual up on her Facebook page to generate a discussion she gets no likes, but she always sees pictures of *obese women with ironically labeled asses (those are my words by the way, my mom is too nice to say that) get 50 likes.”

Welcome to Facebook mom. Welcome to Facebook. No, I will not friend you.

"Don't blame the home invader! Why did YOU have duct tape in YOUR house making it easy to tie YOU up?" -Law & Order: Herman Cain Unit

I wish that I had a girlfriend so I could say "Hey, lay down so I can occupy wall street!" SHUT UP! You've said things just as stupid!

I want seven friends named "Louie" and one friend named "Loueye". NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS WHY! Bar bets okay! Bar bets!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

John McCain: Obama Bus Tour Is 'Wrong'
American public: You picked Sarah Palin as your VP, we're not listening to you anymore.

If you voted for Hillary in the primary....and then McCain in the General...we know what's up with YOU.

Colonoscopy? Not anymore. Sign up for the NEW..."Google Ass!"

I'm tired of these idiotic, media created, gender roles. I don't buy into that crap. So to answer your sex, by boobs hurt.

Him: "Some women you make love to, some you just want to pound"
--Me: "Can I have my chicken fingers now please?"

Pat Robertson, take your pills BEFORE you tape your show...okay?

I am NOT watching the debate. I'll just watch Fox news to get the facts tomorrow. Hahahahahaha! (Hey, I tried to say it with a straight face)

Monday, October 17, 2011

Just to let you all know, when I'm part of the 1%, I will do all that I can to help the 99%. I will also bang lots of them. You're welcome.

Dear guy is the sports mascot outfit, remember, doing the same crap WITHOUT THE COSTUME ON will get your ass kicked.

I want the theme song-scene change music from "2 Broke Girls" to play loudly EVERY TIME I ejaculate.

"No call list"? That's really a thing? So, my hunt them down and flush their faces in a bus station toilet thing hasn't caught on huh?

Sunday, October 16, 2011

In a sarcastic reply to someone, I said "...yeah, I'm from Wall Street!" and three congressmen tried to blow me...

"Dude, you're embarrassing yourself." - me to a friend hitting on an 18 year old.

I want my next one to be a "No huddle" relationship...AKA, MORE f**king and LESS talking.
( FYI, f**king = fucking. I didn't want to curse)

"5 dollar foot loooooong!" - things you don't sing bottomless at Subway...because it's cold in there. IT IS SO!

Apparently, Kmarts are virtually empty at 9pm. The people were probably eaten by the scary creatures roaming the parking lot...

Saturday, October 15, 2011

‎"Hi S.! Too late? No, don't worry about it. We'll make soup for YOU!"
-"Subway" staff
Yeah, I've got juice. You may kiss my ring now...

Do you think Erin Burnett will do a "Really?" segment about getting arrested for taking your money out of #Citibank?

I tried to cut my citibank card in half....and it called me the N word. Damn you anthropomorphism!

Friday, October 14, 2011

"If you can't beat a black guy for the GOP REALLY suck as a candidate".
 -S. Anthony Thomas (a black dude)

My nephews laughed at me for three hours when I dug my old Atari video game out of the attic. But when we played....I KICKED THEIR ASSES! YEAH! TAKE THAT PUNKS!!!!!

"Blah blah blah blah blah!"  - the unseen adults on Charlie Brown learn a new language

(Obvious joke) - Normal person

(Way too serious response) - Ass wipe with personal problems who's NOT familiar with "Projection"

I don't mind being a lone wolf. Why? Well when you travel with the pack there's an increased chance of stepping in someone else's shit.  - S. Anthony Thomas

Does anyone else's ATM say "You're MINE now BITCH!" when you try to take out cash?

Thursday, October 13, 2011

“Something black not working? IMAGINE THAT!” - Rush Limbaugh, talking about the Blackberry

“Something crushed by lard, full of oxycontin residue and not working? Imagine THAT!” - Rush Limbaugh’s wife on their honeymoon night
"S, you're not a Scorpio anymore with the new zodiac". Ironic that I stabbed her with a needle full of venom from my back pocket, huh?

Uh, officer... the sign says "Don't Walk". This is a pirouet. Fucking troglodyte! AAAAAAAAAH! Was the taser really necessary?

I just got out of a cab that smelled good. No YOU'RE lying!!!!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

When I see people here and in "real life" disrespect the Occupy Wall Street and other cities's like seeing a show called "INTERNET TROLL LIVE!"

Most people think that I do comedy for a living. Silly people. The real money I make comes from my "Teaching daytime talk show audiences how to sound outraged by the guests behavior" classes. I...AM...SO...BUSY!

Gorgeous women with horrible names....your mom was hating on you. Just thought you should know.

Armpit hair + tank top = ice cubes in my lap.

Had a lady that looked & acted like "Whitney", we had endless bed smashing sex...why did I leave again? Oh, the craziness...

6 months.... I will have my old body back. I will then bring back streaking.

Two words. Medical Crack.

If you use red ink on your "rejection" stamp you are a HUGE ass.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

New cable channel idea...S.Anthony TV: Shows that DON'T suck! Huh? Eh?

Don't engage in discussions about politics on Facebook. That is all.

Facebook: "Happy birthday person that I don't know!"
Twitter: " Is booty eating out of the question....person that I don't know!?!"

A woman was looking at me thinking that I was looking at her. She started to get full of herself not realizing that I was looking at the parking spot...NOT HER. She was so busy being indignant, that she walked into a tree. Yeah, good times...

"Satan seen at Occupy Wall Street protest beating YOUR GRADNMOTHER to death on top of burning piles of cash" - Fox News...eventually

Chris Christie Endorses Mitt Romney For President Ahead Of 2012, then wipes the Koch Brother residue from his chin. Film at 11.

Herman Cain: "Obama's not Black enough! (Paraphrase)"
Black People: "Neither are the people who paid you to say that! (NOT paraphrased)"

How long will it be before a depressed Rick Perry is on cable selling "The Rick Perry Schwoogie Stone" made from chunks of that N word rock?

Monday, October 10, 2011

"I hate getting dirt under my nails. Next time the victim to digs their own...I mean yard work is hard!" - Killers aren't good liars

Do you know what works BETTER than botox? Being nice and fucking a lot. You're welcome. Pay on the way out. See you next week.

Promoted post: S.Anthony Thomas has nothing to sell you.

"Hey, I'm NOT in a car let THOSE people get out of that burning car THEMSELVES." - Herman Cain EMT

"EVERYONE hates you." - Everyone that ISN'T a politician to politicians.

Damn, none of you new celebrities has "accidentally" released a sex tape yet? Ah....I miss the good old days...

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Clean...air, water, food (in order of importance). We DON'T want them protected? Because of money? Can't spend it when you're dead.

If I went into a fast food place and the food actually looked like the food in the advertisements, I'd think something was wrong with it.

During the off season, NFL refs should follow people around and call penalties on them for being d-bags.


My two little (they're 18 & 19 years old) cousins are staying with me this week. The older of the two recorded the football game so he could watch it after work:

Cousin 1 (19yrs old): "Cousin S., don't tell me what happened. I drove here with the radio off so that I wouldn't find out."

Me  (Older than 19): "Ok."

Cousin 1 turns on the television. At the exact moment the the game pops on the screen....

Cousin 2 (18yrs old) *bursts into the house screaming* "I can't belive that they blew it like THAT! Did you see that fumlble!?!"

Cousin 1 *looks down defeated, drops remote on the couch and walks upstairs*

Cousin 2 "What?"

Me (Older than 19 plus 45 more seconds) *tries not to laugh...waits...goes to my computer and...

If we clapped our butt cheeks instead of our hands imagine how much harder it would be to earn applause. (THIS is why I don't post everything that I think)

"You're evil!"
"You're a Marxist, Socialist, Commie!"  - Adults (Allegedly)

I don't like a site with sexual content being called go "DADDY", couldn't it at least be called go "weird neighbor with no"?

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Just weighed and measured MY balls...nope, I could never be in politics. The first reason... MINE exist. The second...they're TOO big.

What do the trending topics board (on twitter) and congress have in common? Give up? They're BOTH too easily manipulated by idiots with deep pockets.

I wish there were more smart people.

I get annoyed with the troglodyte gumbo that is supposed to be our congress. I sometimes want to take a break from the news....

Rick Perry waits for call from voters to stay execution of his political hopes. Rick Perry circa 1985 cuts the phone lines. Film at 11!

NEW "Footloose"... No. Hollywood, you DON'T have to remake EVERYTHING! When is the "Staying Alive" remake coming out?

Friday, October 7, 2011

Now that I use teeth whitening strips, my teeth have no problem catching a cab.

My ex girlfriend used the sponge as birth control....I LOVED it when it was her turn to do the dishes.

Pick my POISON!?! What kind of bullshit choice is that!? I pick poison that has NO effect on ME... that kills YOU! Ha! Deal with THAT!

Dear future wife, If we're alone...and you're not on your ".", I'm going to try to get in you. You have been warned. That is all.

Dear "pistol whippers" Is your partner pointing a bat at people and saying "Bang bang bang"? Moron.

Why did Boehner, Cantor & McConnell follow those bankers outside to their trucks just because they bought mouthwash? Oh. Figures.

Dude, is your girlfriend cheating or did the carpet cleaner misunderstand you?

We are ALL in open relationships....unless you're married, then that shit is clooooosed.

Ha! You lost professional athlete! Now drive your bugatti to your mansion and ejaculate in your supermodel girlfriends....loser!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

My philosophy of life? EVERYONE deserves love and try and give it to them. Also...avoid dickheads. I have spoken!

A straw man is an informal fallacy based on misrepresentation, just watch talking heads on cable news describe Occupy Wall Street Protests.

Congress, didn't you know that WHORES are supposed to make people feel GOOD? And yes, you are WHORES.

It's the 10th anniversary of me convincing that stripper with the triple G boobs that my saliva would hold her pasties on. Yeah, I rule.

Dear Herman Cain, your lead in the polls is a football, the primary voters are Lucy. Guess who you are?  *Charlie Brown theme plays*

Imagine a person tied to a chair watching the criminals beat each other up over the wallet they just stole from them. That's America now.

DO good stuff, DON'T do bad stuff. The end. Self help authors, you aren't needed anymore. See yourselves out please.

When I make love I play the song "Iron man", so the neighbors wont hear "This NEVER happens to me!" I mean hear her screams. STOP LAUGHING!!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

... the only thing we have to fear is fear itself….AND THESE MOTHERFUCKERS!” - FDR if he was alive today and met the 112th congress

I'm a NICE guy. I ALWAYS finish last. The sweaty, tired, drooling, twitching, deliriously happy women under me seem to be okay with it.

Sarah Palin announces that she WILL NOT run for President. Unfortunately, she will STILL run her mouth.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Chris Christie. Dancing with the Stars. Discuss.

"Dear APP creators....calm the hell down. Thanks". - Everybody

Politicians should be forced to wear a shock collar that zaps their asses whenever they lie. There'd be some burnt necks, but more truth.

Rick Perry has the documentary "Eyes on the Prize" in his DVD library under "Comedy". No, it's not a mistake...until people find out.

My high school gym teacher was a hot lady. I hid my erection with a towel then. Just saw her again, didn't need the towel...nailed her.

500. That's the amount of people that have said to me, YOU'RE a SCORPIO!?! What does that mean!?!

Monday, October 3, 2011

"Let them eat pepper steak....and onions! With white OR fried rice" - Marie-Antoinette's relatives open a Chinese restaurant in the hood

My NEW hunting camp is called "African American Cabeza" - Rick Perry trying too hard

I'm NOT enough of a narcissist to be mean, too much love for humanity, but I AM enough of one to not mind tweeting/posting into the ether...

My blog "People who need to STFU and fall off of the planet because they're a-holes" wasn't as popular as I'd hoped. Huh, go figure...

Solyndra. Iraq. Torture. Financial meltdowns. Slow response to Katrina. Yeah, they're ALL the same. Continue cable news....continue...

I haven't done ONE Chris Christie fat joke. If I do those jokes....let's just say they'll be about a radio d-bag...but I won't go there.

Mr Cantor, Mr Cain, I know you enjoy the attention of your "friends" but if you overheard them talking about you after you leave the room...

I'm REALLY happy for the FIRST guy that sleeps with Amanda Knox. She's going to tear his ass up! Lucky mofo!

Hank Williams Jr compares Obama to Hitler, MNF compares Hank to a magician's rabbit and makes him disappear.

We as regular people DON'T hate rich people. I would love to be able to have ANYTHING that I want as I'm pretty sure is the case with most people. What people hate is heartless, greedy, evil motherfuckers. But I digress...sorry. To answer your question, yes, I DO watch C.S.I. Miami.

75% of people polled say the news is full of intellectually lazy sellouts, the other 25% can't find Rick Perry's camp with the sign down.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

I am NOT a bartender, so If you're a stranger, PLEASE don't expect me to listen to you whine about your wife for 15 minutes outside of a RiteAide. Thanks.

Dick And Liz Cheney: Obama Owes Bush Administration An Apology
American public: You owe US 303 million Apologies...and STFU.

Herman Cain: Rick Perry Is 'Insensitive' Toward Black People. Talk about the pot calling the kettle bl...oops, don't want to be insensitive.

Romney silent on Perry going to hunting grounds called "Niggerhead" because of his camp called "Black Dudes have high butts" Film @ 11

People who are assholes and chocoholics... ex-lax has a "chocolate bar looking" version of itself. Yeah.  Your namesake is fair game mofos!

Quarterbacks, DB's can see it when you point to where you want your receiver to go, that's why they go there too. You did know that, right?

Saturday, October 1, 2011

S. Anthony says... (What's that on the fan?....)

*I walk into my house to change clothes, a teen relative is on my couch watching TV, sees me and pretends to sleep thinking that they will avoid my scolding about behaviors of his that I don’t approve of….*

“I know that you aren’t sleeping knucklehead. Listen, the fact that you are trying to avoid me getting on you about what you’re doing, tells me that you heard my message. That means you ALREADY know what I’m thinking…so I have no need to give you a hard time.”

*Teen sits up*

“Look kid, you ARE being an idiot, but you are a good kid and you’ll learn that I’m right soon enough. Just know that when the feces hits the fan, I’ll be there to help you. I will be laughing at you and posting the video of your embarrassment on YouTube…but I WILL be there for you.”

*Teen smiles and says “Thanks!”

“Now get your punk ass out of my chair and watch the TV upstairs….”