Monday, May 23, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Facebook now changes the ads on your page instantly according to what you post. My screen now looks like a strip club. Good job Facebook!!!
I want to be a family values politician. They get all the booty.
If there are any attractive virgins who want some tantric lovin' BEFORE the world ends, I would be more than happy to get it on with you.
By very popular request, I am now offering my end of the world tantric lovin' offer to NON-virgins also.
What's the difference between Mitt Romney and a credit card? Give up? A magnetic strip and a VISA logo...because they're both plastic.
Hey Santorum, McCain could STILL kick your punk ass. Seriously. He could. He still might even after your weak apology.
THIS is the guy that has people thinking the world is ending!?! THIS guy? His other big pronouncements?…”Those kids WON’T get off my lawn!” & “Peeing hurts!"
Tomorrow, worldwide, outdoor, flash mob, mega-power-banging at 6:01. WHO'S WITH ME!?!
Hey Glamour magazine, I just heard about your "Engagement Chicken" and I'm making some "Threesome with your hot friend torts" for dessert.
Anyone who thinks that elections aren't stolen...check out WI & OH. Blatant, disgusting, cowardly...(Insert your word here)
The world ends Saturday, ANYTHING to keep Oprah on the air huh?
#WI Brett Favre showed his d*ck, Governor Walker shows his ass*. (*If you're not familiar with that term, let me know)
I'm planning on doing a lot of consolation screwing starting 6:30 Saturday.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
Not to be outdone by "Botox mom", "Ass cheek implant Dad" releases photos. Film at 11.
People leaving Planet Hollywood get progressively fatter, people who enter Hollywood get skinnier...CONSPIRACY!!!!
Charlie Sheen replaces Ashton Kutcher in his marriage. REVENGE!!! Film AT 11!
In retaliation, Charlie Sheen digitally puts himself into reruns of that 70's show. Film at 11!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Karl Rove, Common ISN'T a thug rapper. You've typecast one of the most enlightened rappers out there. Know your subject, ignorant Bigot.
Don't say something mean to a stranger and look at me to co-sign, because I'll say something to YOU that someone else WILL co-sign, a-hole.
I don't want to hear any more about Pippa's butt or boobs! If they aren't in my bed covered in whipped cream and my saliva I DON'T CARE!!!
Bristol Palin. Plastic surgery. I feel bad for her. If you have esteem problems, the last thing you need is to be in the Hollywood machine.
Google. Chrome book? $430? Why not have a low price and get it into everyone's hands? You're going to "ad" people to death anyway mofos!
If I'm watching a show that you know I love...don't interrupt me with minutia, I'm not the ONLY one here that took that CPR class! RUDE!
The law of diminishing returns. Yup, THAT.
My laptop works much better now that I've throw it down the steps. You should try it!
Hey Botox mom, you know that in 15 years you'll be the subject of a 48 hours mystery, right?
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Microsoft acquires for 2 billion dollars the advertising rights to the exposed body parts of extremely attractive people. Film at 11!
MY recycle people are now in the lead for the 2011 recycle bin smashing championship. Yeah, MINE. I know you're jealous! Deal with it!
Microsoft just bought my cousin's lemonade stand. Freaking showoffs. Now I have to wait 30 minutes for my 4 teaspoons of sugar to download.
It's also neighborly to know when you should shut the hell up.
Corporations have finally figured out how to manufacture "Viral" videos. Guess they got tired of just f-ing up TV, movies, music...
Possessing pictures of your hot neighbor taken from the P.O.V. of her closet, DISQUALIFIES you from the town watch. Ironic, huh?
They called Common a "Vile" rapper. Wait until they find out that Dr Dre is the new surgeon General.
Rapper reading poetry to kids, VILE. Billionaires making it hard to feed kids by buying anti-union politicians, OK. *writing that down*
Monday, May 9, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
It's okay to vote for a smart guy who gives a damn. Remember that.
Coffee is good, this sucks, work blows and...huh? This ISN'T Monday? Nevermind.
So, tall dark and handsome is what you want huh? Is two out of three okay? I can wear boots if you want.... ;-)
This congress doesn't pick your pocket, it also takes your pants, and gives you a prostate exam....you too ladies!
Even if you agree ideologically with this congress you must realize, just like the mob, eventually they'll get you too. Dig?
I was going to watch the GOP debate but there are two drunk guys outside having an armpit farting duel. I'm not the type who wastes time.
Medicare for ALL! Also, beer!
I've become a little too nice and courteous during the last 5 years. I need to say something inappropriate... uh, your mom...is...a real sweetheart. DAMMIT! I'll try again later.
Writer's block? No. Editor's block? Yup.
Condi Rice on Lawrence O'Donnell. Hahahahahaha! C'mon. Still? Still saying that!?! How can you be blind in HINDSIGHT!?!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Limit YOURSELF. I'm NOT interested in that, you can also take your labels...my rapid personal evolution makes them instantly moot.
Well, there goes Osama Bin Laden's MTV reality show.
When you see someone wince with EVERY step, DON'T ask them if their back still hurts...or I'll drop kick you!
Hey d-bags that rob Rite Aides for drugs...I've got three words for you...."Hospital Toilet Water". Discuss.