Mr. Thomas Says...

Isn't it amazing how much cleaner your genitals get when you shower with your

girlfriend?

Going to the hot dog stand, doesn't always mean what you think it does ladies. In other news, my hot neighbor slaps harder than you'd think.

Getting left hanging on a high five is embarrassing, but not as much as explaining the profanity painted on you car hood in 5 minutes, what?

Spoiling whatever woman he dates and thus making the lives of the next guys hell since 1986. She's mad because he's not me and so's he! Ha!

I think my heavy bag is taking the beatings personally. I could almost swear, under it's breath, it just used the "N" word...

"Omega-3 fatty acids" sounds like the name of a southwest region garage band of underachieving 40somethings that hate their wives...

That's right young lady, let your 13yr old kid dress as inappropriately as you do...I mean, who wants to be an OLD grandma right? Idiot.

The only difference between WWE Smackdown and American politics? The WWE ADMITS that it's cartoonish and scripted.

Kickin' ass & taking names, then apologizing for kicking the wrong asses. *Hitting self in forehead* Names first, names first! Damn! Sorry.

So, let me get this straight, the people with the worst healthcare in America are the poor and millionaire musical geniuses? Interesting.

Making milk come out of the noses of people who didn't drink milk since 86!

BP already has it's slogan ready for future Alaska drilling rigs. "BP, making polar bears conspicuous since 2010."