Now that I've seen meteorologists talk about rain for 4 hours straight, I'm no longer amazed that infomercials talk about a mop for 30min.

Apparently my family has a language that I didn't know about. When you say "I'm in a hurry" it means "Talk slowly about minutia"

Street gangs NEVER scared me. These crazy people running for office and the blissfully ignorant who'll vote for them...well...

If you've never made love to a gorgeous woman, then had cornflakes and milk bottomless while watching CBS Sunday morning, YOU haven't lived.

Apparently 18-25 year olds think that I've moved into the sugar daddy stage of my life...and I'm okay with them THINKING that.