"I'm thinking of quiting sugar cold turkey"

"You mean COLD TOFU..."

"Uh, it's ok for you to speak of meat dude."

#myveganfriendisagoofball

The fact that the candidate with the most money wins speaks more to voters laziness than to money's power. It's just paper, it's powerless.

The kitchen sink<- Is this the last part of a colloquial phrase or a stereotypical 40's era Native American describing a foundation problem?

Just helped my 6 YEAR OLD cousin with her homework, so I AM smarter than a, huh?...smarter than a 5th GRADER? Whoa, I know my limits!

Tabloid reporters are a little too gleeful and giggly when they spread news about a person's personal tragedies. You can almost see them smile when they say Cancer, Divorce etc. Well, I think that style of journalism is a Cancer on society...and I've divorced myself from their product.

"I will lie to you, steal your money, bang your sister and feel nothing...yes I'm a politician." #notarealquoteputtootrueanyway

Incompetence is a virtue? Thanks Washington DC! Is that bizzarro superman over there?

You can tell what type of neighborhood a person grew up in by their reaction to a car back firing. Bring that guy a mop please.

Can we change the phrase from "Planting his seed" to "Watering her lawn" or "Filling her pool?" Those sound more manly damn it!