I'm giving out tofu this year. It's better than a pit bull on the porch for "begging kid" stopping effectiveness.

My friend kept smiling while talking about "Running a red light" He didn't mean what I thought. Hint: It involves his wife & I threw up...

I don't tell people who I vote for usually and I won't now...but I'll give you a hint...the non-racist ones. That's all I'll say.

Baseball fans, wait until the ball leaves the field BEFORE you cheer. When it turns out to be a routine fly ball... you look like idiots.

If a hot friend describes the perfect person and it's you, but they won't give you the time of day...they did you a favor. They're idiots.

Cutting off your nose to spite your face: The November 2nd Election movie