If YOUR actions cause unfair discomfort to ANOTHER person, YOU don't get to make smart ass comments to THEM. Thanks.

Forget kissin', my cousin had better give it up! #thingsthatiwillneversay

How long before there is a "Deep bowl Chilean CHILI" special at DENNY'S?

I ate a Cheeseburger at a Chinese Restaurant. No...it's NOT on the menu. YES...I am the man. Take that other diners! Take it hard! Ha!

If you treat your kids like you hate them, then I hate you, even if we haven't met. You are shit.

I've been out of the dating scene for a while. Is holding a woman's butt in your hands & licking her for 90min still a good pre-sex warm up?

Local commercial producers, hiring a tall skinny black guy DOESN'T make us think he's The POTUS. It makes you look lame. Thanks.

Me, me, me, is a good way to tune up your voice....but as a way to run a society...not so good. Just saying...

Breaking news! 45 Solar energy miners were rescued from...oh. Nevermind.

I would NEVER send a text picture of my "stuff' to some lady. Please. My camera shoots VIDEO. Get your popcorn ready! And your checkbook.

Forget what your doctor thinks ladies. According to the Lucille Roberts commercial you lose weight by dancing badly in 80's era spandex.