If you're riding in a shuttle, it's not a confidence builder to see a DRIVERS WANTED sign that looks too old or too permanent or both.

I don't believe in spanking children. I do however get dressed up as a child while being...your judgmental look says more about you...

When YOU vote, do YOU also feel like you're spinning the wheel on "The Price is Right?"

Shaq vs Brett Favre in a "Junk picture texting" contest. I think Shaq will win this one. Just a hunch.

The enemy of my enemy doesn't exist. Why? Because I have no enemy, other than the lie that enemies exist.

Soooo, Jackass 3D WASN'T the recent debates? Awkward....

Special message: Louis Vuitton DOES NOT have trunk and dark alley distribution centers.

Is there such a thing as a "near nymphomaniac?"...because that's what my next girlfriend is going to HAVE to be.

I'd a few extra bucks per month for a "political commercial free" cable experience. Wouldn't you?

Special message to rich and famous people: the broke person that you're humping will eventually sell pictures of your genitals to someone.

Special message to people who want to see the genitals of the rich and famous: they look just like yours.

Oh, so my armor has to shine now!?! That's why we're not together! NOTHING is EVER good enough!! - A Knight in slightly smudged armor