I'm eating a salad from McDonalds....check and mate. I have once again maintained my middleweight contrarian championship.

My birthday is exactly three weeks from now. Begin putting money away for my huge gifts. No, YOU'RE delusional!! I want gifts damn it! ;-)

As it turns out my close relative DOES NOT have cancer. Ha! #fuckcancer #fuckcancersmomtoo

Why are people so mad at gay dudes? Relax, they won't hurt you.

Special message to bullies...the secret is out. YOU'RE the one with the inadequacies. F*ck you!

No. Hitter. Roy. Halliday. Nuff. Said.

Had a talk with someone that's diametrically opposed to my politics, it started combatively but ended with kind words. Because we're grownups.

All of this rain = screw you rude guys at the carwash.

Westboro Baptist Church. Why? The world needs LESS hate. Also, stop giving them press please. Thanks.