Thursday, January 27, 2011

I'm in better shape than I thought. I dug out the house and car by myself and...oh, can't talk now the E.R. doctor is back...

Hey homophobes, gay people go through THEIR day NOT hating YOU. Try returning the favor.

You ARE NOT in an open relationship, you are just the person that they are f*cking RIGHT NOW!! Don't make me shake you!

Comcast just bought ME, those mutha *alarm goes off, man whispers to me*... those mothers out there would be proud. *whispers* "Help me..."

"Lions and tigers and bears oh my!" -Commercial jingle after Taco bell finds a new meat source

Mattress store salesmen are creepy dudes, we should open MORE mattress stores to take them off of the street.

Denial ain't just a river in..... (Sorry, they just cut me off too)

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