Ah, it's nice and toasty here under the radar...

So, the Congress is reading the constitution huh? Well that makes sense, I like to read things before I shred them too.

I just found a betamax tape in a phone booth outside of a religious tolerance center.

I often wonder what percentage of lotion sold in America ISN'T used for moisturizing. Hey, none of your business how much of mine isn't!!!!

Why do terrorists STILL think that sh!t works? They'd need a lying cable news channel or something to f*ck up THIS country...oh...

No, that was sober dialing. I really just don't like you and I wanted my insults to be spoken CLEARLY.

Still think your vote doesn't count? #apathykills

Thanks new Congress! The last time things went backwards this fast was when Superman flew around the equator to reverse the planet's orbit to save Lois Lane. Yeah, it was just a movie...but it contained MORE realism that these people's ideas. Really new Congress? Really?

The New Mega Millions winners have been revealed. The bad decision/personal problems that make them wish that they didn't win the money clock begins... NOW.