I wish my relatives would call to annoy me about doing something for them that they could do for themselves. It's been 10 minutes and I'm getting antsy.

If I can feel your breath on my neck, you're too close to me at the ATM. Oh, and stop grabbing my ass...

Mubarak firing everyone BUT HIM is like the guy who got your wife pregnant saying as he puts his pants on "Hey, I wore a condom this time!"

Cougars...is an older guy with the libido and stamina of an 18yr old okay? Asking for me.

Looking at my family sometime feels like watching a bad cable reality show with 3D glasses on. You know, without the joy of being able to turn it off...and with the agony of knowing that you share DNA.

Getting my car into a tight icy parking spot between a Lexus and a huge tree is FUN...

My teen cousins are making me overhear "The Bachelor" in the next room... don't know if I will ever walk into that room again.