If you call me before 10 am or after 10 pm and I'm not sleeping with you, you'd better be on fire or in an ambulance...or I'll make THAT so.

*finds out Oprah's secret is JUST a half sister, puts down video camera, looks at picture of Gayle, sighs, thinks about what COULD'VE been*

Damn, If I had answered my phone Sunday, I could have quarterbacked for the Bears. From now on, I'm screening my calls.

Having Individual freedom AND not allowing citizens to get sick and die ARE NOT mutually exclusive. It's difficult...but worth it. Right?

They got Keith O's ass off of the MSNBC site quickly, they are like a john putting a hair dryer to his genitals in the car on the way home!

Is there ANY way that we can put an end to this meaningless "Battle of the Sexes" and just start doing some serious f**king!?!