I forgot to get coffee this morning...and I didn't choke slam anyone. Hmm. I may need to rethink some...*choke slams person* nevermind.

Hot lady at breakfast place noticed that I was the only guy NOT ogling her. She went out of her way to get MY attention. Works every time...

FYI, Star Trek fans laugh at the virginity and dweeb factor of Dancing w/the Stars fans. Just letting you all know.

It's not really "Force" feeding if the person ISN'T putting up a fight due to a drunken stupor, right?

Special message to guys who take hostages. What success story about that have YOU heard? I've been told that these things usually end badly.

When they say drive with your hands at 10 and 2 they mean the steering wheel, not your niece and nephews foreheads. Catheters in the ER=fun!

I'm creating a line of female armpit Toupées for when he just won't take NO for an answer...