Breaking News! Qu'ran "Burning" preacher to get a new reality show called "Punking the press" Film @ 6 & 11. Unless WE'RE getting punked...

Mr. Thomas wonders if it's worth it to renew his self important d-bag drop kicking license. He heads into Starbucks®...and now we wait...

Is this your card?....Maybe this card trick would be more impressive if I had a camera attached to the computer. Or if I had some cards.

I think in most cases a shot glass of whup ass will do.

Teri Hatcher...every time I see you lately you're half naked. THANK YOU! I've been wanting to jump on you since Lois & Clark. Yum!

I have been carjacked before. Never sneak up behind me and ask me for money if you're a stranger. Also, triangle chokes work in real life.

What's worse, when you tweet a joke and someone answers seriously or when you're serious and someone laughs? Welcome to FB!!!

Twitter streams are like Id ticker tapes. Thank goodness the people that I follow are so cool...or I'm just as crazy as they are...no...those guys are cool...

Aretha Franklin wants Halle Berry to portray her in a film. (Insert your joke about the craziness of that idea here)--->

Breaking News! People with common sense and sanity to burn dunce caps outside of Glenn Beck's Studio. Film @ 6 & 11!