I'm standing outside of Lady Gaga's house in a potato suit with a bottle of A-1 sauce... I'm trying to get some booty and free publicity!

Oh, crap. I think that I'm the family mascot.

If I ever get invited to the comedy awards, I'm wearing milk. I see YOUR food group Gaga....and I raise the stakes!

I love celebs on twitter. You can tell whether the celeb is an idiot or not BY THEIR TWEETS...then again maybe their PR people are idiots.

It's LESS believable that you ACCIDENTLY touched your hot neighbors ass when you tape your hand in a bag and say "Saving THIS for later!"

Original Idea/art + exposure to d-bags = idea ran into the ground. Helloooo reality TV, most music on the radio, (insert yours here)!

*takes red pill* What!?! It's ALL bullshit!?! Screw this, sleepy time for me! *graps syrup of ipecac, throws up* Hey, Jersey Shore is on!

Worlds first octillionaire = inventor of something that helps women lactate ANY beverage or a guy's genitals vibrate/change size AT WILL.

Have you ever looked at your dating criteria, realized how reasonable it is...then have it hit you what a bunch of losers you were dating?

Let's all agree to stop buying non-essential products until TV stations stop turning the volume of their commercials up to 50!

Regarding my last post....nah. I just realized that technically condoms aren't essential because allegedly we CAN live without sex.