Either believe in ALL religions or believe in NONE. Sorry, that's the way it works.

If they ever came out with an ice cream that tastes like a woman does right after she showers...I'd be 1200 pounds by Friday...

My nephews keep trash talking me bout beating me on their video games. Well, I've had sex with runway models...I win.

Horatio Caine...quiet storm cop.

Finally, people have learned NOT to park in MY space...and you said immolations WOULDN'T work!

My ex hated when I'd walk around while brushing my teeth. I hated her being a ho. On the moral comparison chart, I come out ahead, right?

Semantics: the number one tool in a d-bags argument extension kit.

Do you get your wish before or after the coin hits the water in the fountain? If before, most wishes are "Sh*t that's my last quarter!"