Ladies, sitting next to us and complaining about how much football sucks doesn't make IT less attractive, but it does make YOU less so. Yup.

Home Depot needs a "I have never seen a tool of any kind and know nothing" section. AkA "S. Anthony is in a hurry!"

Women, no need to BUY things to insert...or buy THINGS to insert. Let S. Anthony help you, and talk about himself in the third person.

OnStar....you're starting to freak me out now...

I would love it if you had to wear a hat that said who you voted for and why. Then we'd know who the idiots voting for the idiots are.

A truly wise man can turn an "I want to rip your close off and pound you!" look into an "I love you, you're delicious" look, instantly. Yup.

One cup melted chocolate, two scoops whipped cream, two hand fulls of freshly showered lady buttocks, mix on my bed. Serve @ 98.6 degrees.