Just drove my sister to work (Her car is in the shop) and my niece and nephews all to school. I'm getting a vasectomy...that is all. ;-)

How long do I have to drive around with cocaine in MY Chanel purse before I get MY reality show? I'm running out of gas damn it!

Does anyone else hear the three stooges theme whenever there is a baseball fight?

I actually said the phrase "In my day..." to my teen nephews... It's time for another prostate exam. This time not just for fun.

Hookers can hold a grudge. It's not MY fault that YOU didn't invest in one of those counterfeit bill pens! You're no "Halle", we're even...

Voting for these crazy assed politicians because you hate the POTUS is like going pantless in winter to protest clothing prices. STUPID!

Hey police officer! Don't just drive past me, profile me damn it! I'm still young and hip! Oh lord, did I just use "Hip" in a sentence?