I want to start a national movement to allow people to slap people acting like big a-holes in public. There's a lot of work out there!

I like to have women click their heels and scream "There's no place like home!" as I make love to them in their beds. No, YOU'RE weird!

If we legalized prostitution, hacker attacks would drop 99.9%....because these dudes really need some (edit) badly!

Hell is probably having to listen to my teen/20something relatives on the phone with their boyfriends trying to sound grown up.

Loud, profane and stupid are negatives individually. Together, they are absolutely horrible...unless you're a hot woman and I'm in you.

Now I know where all of the crazy people we used to run from in the singles bars went. #nutjobpoliticos

Some Insurance companies will now stop offering coverage to kids to fight against health bill...let's see if "people" protest that shit...

Politicians, I know that you live in your own little worlds...but we CAN see you. So you ARE lying to our faces.