NEVER make a long car trip with an aggressive contrarian! Every song on the radio sucks etc. We did agree however that I WAS choking him.

I just realized that I am merely the least f*cked up of all of my friends. Well, gotta go. Hooker's asses don't whip cream themselves! #wink

One of the sanitation workers is a super hot lady! Not hot for a sanitation worker, model hot! What's wrong with her? #politicallyincorrect

The guy at the fruit truck tried to sell me brown bananas. I said "I already have one" He didn't get the joke until I was driving away...

Is that the porn actress from the film at your bachelor party working in the drive thru? NOW, I feel guilty for watching free web porn!

I wonder what the cable news "funhouse eardrums" actually hear when the POTUS speaks...

FYI...shemale is NOT mail made specifically for women. Be careful when ordering a gift online for your grandmother.

In the 5 or 6 decades that I have left on the planet...I would love to see a president flip out in an oval office speech. "F*ck fox!" etc.