You're shoplifting...from the dollar store? Really dude? Look out the window, the homeless guy begging for change is laughing at you...

Drug companies, that pill that reduces periods to 3 times yearly...you'd sell more if you got rid of the "May cause blood clots" part. Dig?

Guys…gals…you do realize that the “Battle of the Sexes” is a falsehood designed to make us fight so that we buy things, right? Lets teach the marketing assholes a lesson, stop fighting and do a whole lot of good old fashioned f*cking! It’s free! It feels good! And it stops their bullcrap manipulation.

Nothing says commitment like kissing your woman in bed before she brushes her teeth. I did mention that I meant on the butt cheeks, right?

To those of you that ask for a person's opinion then interrupt them without listening...there is a reason that you have few friends...

To relatives who live recklessly because I always clean up your mess, I'm about to let your metaphorical "hand touch the stove" Dig?

Uh...to people who still fall for three card monte...how can I put this...are you familiar with the concept of eugenics?