Take heart parents of America...between politics & reality shows, if your kid is an idiot...you can't count him/her out yet!

"Hey Sharon, get in YOUR chair...I should let you take your own blood. You've been here enough!" *crumples phone number* Not calling her...

Personal style = Good looking young person in crappy clothes.
Me = Jealous of those bastards!

I'm beyond curling a woman's toes...when I'm done, their toes are in stopper knots...yup. 

*throws coin in wishing well...closes eyes....looks...* Nope, I still don't know where my pants are...

Not to be a prude or anything...but I can't get into movies with rape scenes. It's a deal breaker for me...

You parked your convertible outside of a bar? Really? And you're surprised at what happened? Get the Tiger out of the backseat yourself!

Ladies, when you tell a guy to "kiss your butt"...you'd better say "no tongue". In a related story, this lady is no longer mad at me...