Yeah, yeah, yeah...you get mad at me because you always have a hoarse voice, but you NEVER complain about what I do to you to make it hoarse!

I don't just take one bite of a hoagie, one sip of a soda, leave 10 minutes into a movie or do quickies. #TheS.AnthonyRules

When you make the decision to cut loose family members...it's supposed to feel BAD, right?

Breaking News! Glenn Beck joins the Nation of Islam, becomes Glenn X, then stands in a mirror yelling disgusting religious slurs at himself.

Breaking News! Glenn Beck holds rally outside of Neverland Ranch and claims mantle "King of pop" angering Michael Jackson fans, film @ 11!

I got thrown out of a bowling tournament for wearing my belt too close to my navel.