Man's anthropomorphism is endless...at least women would say so, judging by what they assume that we think with. (FYI, it only gives notes)

I'm undefeated in arguments with girlfriends after about 90 minutes of cunnilingus. Wait a minute....

Pretending to make a right turn just so you can abruptly cut in front of a line of traffic, is the new "my genitals are small & don't work"

I get ready for dates by licking my way through bricks.

...so, when hot women wear belly shirts, that's NOT a secret signal telling you to lick their navel rim? That explains a few things...

I make people wait until the candles burn all of the way down on THEIR birthday cake instead of blowing them out. Yeah, I'm the man...

I was so hoping that the suspicious looking guy was going to rob the 7-11 I was in so I didn't have to pay for this overpriced everything.

Homeless guy outside of the 7-11 asked for $1.35. Not $1.00. $1.35. Even the homeless are more expensive at those places! Damn!