Pro Tip: When on porno sites ALWAYS choose "Top Rated" over "Most Discussed". "Discussed" sounds like "Disgust" for a reason. Trust me.

We'll know that we've made it when we can discuss religion and politics without problems. You pray to who and voted for WHAT!?! *pulls gun*

Eric Cantor is like a 3yr old ONLY child doing progressively bad things to get daddy's attention at the cocktail party.

The Milwaukee Brewers Home uniform makes me think that they sell ice cream from a Mr Softee truck after the game.

I didn't catch you IN a lie, but you sure had a comfortable seat ON that motherf*cker....

How is it that I feel THIS much better and THIS quickly just because I'm eating more plant based foods? Who knew that lard slurpees and an Intravenous mayo drip were BAD things?

"Here's your your birthday gift! BEFORE you open it, we're going to have to offset the cost by giving away your dog." - Eric Cantor's Mom