My uncles are mad at me because I have all of my hair, but shave my head. Wait until they find out how long I can effortlessly keep "it" up.

Ah Facebook, the place where we PRETEND to keep up with old friends. So...how are you doing (insert name of friend or loved one here)?


Ah Facebook, the place where we PRETEND to keep up with old friends. So...how are you doing (insert name of friend or loved one here)?

Does ANYONE else here get frisked when they check Facebook?

My buddy joined one of those weight loss deals from TV. There was NO cute black lady there singing to him like in the commercial. LIARS!!!!!

Forget nip slips, when I do Dancing With The Stars....get ready for my BALL SPRAWL!

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If anyone subscribes to me NOW, you'll get an NFL Helmet. It's at the NFL Store. You just have to give them the asking price at the cash register and they'll give it right to you.

You're welcome.

(Editors note for stupid people, there is no Helmet ya dope...I'm joking)

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I'm going to sell chocolate and vanilla brownies, but the chocolate ones will have much bigger nuts. Take that affirmative action bake sale!