Dear sex drive, how about shutting the hell up when I'm driving. Women with cute butts will be there after I'm out of the car! OK!?!

Congress, proof that the crazy people on the subway CAN find work.

I'm pretty low maintenance as a boyfriend now. My criteria is simple. DON'T steal my money and DON'T be a whore, simple...right?

MY brain has been out of "the wash" for a while now...let me see, yup, Herman Cain still sucks.

Got on my sunglasses. Why? Because your clock is sparkling....cause I just cleaned that mothaf*cka! - Me after winning my next argument

TV blows, but not in the "grow emotionally attached to it and want to hear about it's day" kind of way.