People who are about to try drugs like Meth and crack for the first time.....REALLY? STILL? You don't pick up on things quickly do you?

It's not my birthday until October, but it would be nice if everyone greeted me by saying "hello delicious" from now on. No, YOU'RE weird!

Google Siberia Qaddafi, because that's where you're goi...huh? Nevermind, Siberia just called. They don't want your crazy ass either.

"The people have spoken!" only applies when they agree with US. - Congress & Scott Walker #wiuinon

Karma, if ever there was a time for you to start being a bitch...IT'S NOW!
Libya is THAT way...Say hello to Qaddafi for EVERYONE please!

20 years from now all of these teens will be hard of hearing because of their MP3 players. SUCK IT telemarketers!!!

Ladies, why do I love your delicious bottoms (and every other part too, let's keep it real) so much? Oh yeah, the feel & taste. Nevermind.

Hey LifeLock®, if you REALLY want to make money, start a service that guards against bad relationship choices. I'd pay $15 monthly for that!

I'm thinking of GAINING 200 pounds so I can be on "The Biggest Loser". Well, it's easier than pitching a series idea to idiots.

So, prime time game shows...you STILL haven't figured out that people stop watching when you have celebrity contestants on huh? Ooookay....

There's LUBRICANT in contact lens solution? Damn! I thought I was into some weird stuff! Eye sex! Ew...huh? It just for...oh. Nevermind.

If anyone didn't know, Rahm Emmanuel curses sometimes.