I think beautiful women who AREN'T married but ARE involved should wear something that lets me know to NOT ask them out. Or lick them...

Your religion should comfort YOU, not BLUDGEON ME! If you take out the microscope on ANY religion...there are flaws. Relax and enjoy YOURS.

There should be a special STFU section of EVERY superbowl party for people that don't like or understand football...less blood that way.

ALL beautiful lady pop singers are actually singing loves songs to ME. Not YOU. Stop being delusional. You're embarrassing yourselves.

Did YOU know that the Star Spangled Banner had a Mad Libs version? #superbowl

Not to be outdone by Eminem's Detroit car commercial, Will Smith will soon be in a Philly cream cheese commercial. #superbowl

Did they kidnap half of the billboard top 10 and hide them in the roof? #superbowl

I hope the skeleton of a forgotten pop star doesn't fall out of the ceiling six months from now. #superbowl

It's okay America, now you SAFELY have an idea what an acid trip looks like #superbowl

God sent AN EMAIL to me, it said "I have NOTHING to do with TD's or grammy wins, YOU did that, but I DID make Kim K's ass...you're welcome"

When Glee does an episode that includes karate, car chases and explosions let me know, until then...