Energy Committee Chair Fred Upton Denies Human Role In Climate Change & suggests that doctors stop washing their hands between surgeries.

If ab crunches were a person, they'd have a red suit, a pitchfork and have a tail. Using THAT description, I think I dated ab crunches.

Don't fall asleep with your mouth open after taking fish oil tablets if you have a cat. Also, don't rub the tablets on your nipples.

If WE can tell that a movie is going to blow by just watching the commercial...c'mon movie companies! Too lazy to set the film on fire!?!

Imagine if "Fair minded, intelligent, NON racist/homophobic/sexist" people HERE had the balls AND fortitude of the Egyptian people...

Ranch dressing. It's... just wrong.

When your lady starts critiquing your compliments...GET OUT! The next step is "Accidental" elbows to the throat in your sleep. Trust me!

I have a 50 pound bag of salt in my basement, it had better snow again soon or I'm making homemade ice cream!

No need to go to DC anymore lobbyists, just set up a Paypal account and buy your congressmen off of craigslist online.