Watched MACHETE last night...I WANT TO BE ON AN ISLAND LICKING (for starters) MICHELLE RODRIGUEZ ! That is all.

I had to count my fingers after dinner last night...FYI, don't get between teens and free food.

Small business Saturday is supposed to boost the economy and save jobs. That's why D.C. is ALWAYS empty, we know they don't want to do that!

Why is it that we don't create new things,we just create new devices that make us re-buy old shit?

Buying chicken wings at Pizza Hut instead of Pizza because you think you're too cool officially crosses the line from contrarian to loser.

Hey, relatives too lazy to show up, but want thanksgiving food brought to them. NEVER leave annoyed people alone with your food.

I'm going to open up a bulk soap and toilet paper concession stand next to any place that has lots of women. I'm gonna be rich mofos!!!

So, your lady insists on fighting with you on the phone while you're working. Mr. Cashier...the future looks bright! Enjoy!

NEVER use truck stop bathrooms. I actually had to utter a sentence that I've never used before..."No, you can't suck it!"

Thanks retailers for turning regular Americans into fucking Jerry Springer audience members for YOUR amusement this time every year.

Can we all just agree that being an ill informed, bigoted xenophobe is a BAD thing? It would solve so many problems.