Children! Children! Willie Nelson has been arrested! You may come out of your fortified bunkers and play now! And the world was safe again.

You really wasted resources on arresting Willie Nelson? Are you kidding me? Why was there no arrest of the radio racist when he had drug problems? Better yet, why not stop the crap from coming into the country in the first place? Phony motherf*ckers.

Wanna stop construction workers from wolf whistling your teen cousins? Go to the biggest one & explain the ease of losing a body in cement.

When your understanding of what a "Friend" is changes...you find out that you don't have as many as you thought. Happy Holidays! ;-)

Life...you win. I quit. Sike! I'm gonna kick your ass!!!

When someone gets mad and says "Where do you get off?..." jump in with "Your Mom's booty!" They ALWAYS laugh and the fight ends, right?

"Ha! That's how I'd do it!" It's not a good idea to say that during "Criminal Minds" at a prospective girlfriend's parents' house.

The big scientific discovery is that the Universe was fluid in the beginning. So were all of us. Take THAT Universe!

The fact that this "hood" Chinese food store also sold cheap toilet paper should have been a hint upon reflection...