Thanks to Dr OZ, not only for all of the great info, but for letting me hear "Ladies, put it in your vagina and your anus" on TV. Love him!

Did Conan ever get a new show? Someone please give me some info on this!

The American system COULD really work well, if people who gave a sh!t were running it.

I'm just about to start randomly licking women on the street. I'll ask if they're single first. I'm not some weirdo...

For the last time…I DO NOT WANT TO COACH THE COWBOYS!!! Geez, he’s calling EVERYBODY!

Thanksgiving is near...the day where you pretend to like people who wouldn't be in your life if certain people's genitals hadn't collided.

It's YOU. (What is, the answer to this question Alex?) "Who's fault is it if you complain about the same sh!t every day, all day?"

Video games made us sedentary, now we workout in front of them. Next, we put power cells on teen's hands while they watch The Kardashians.

I want to be rich, not to buy things, I'm just curious about the amount of money it will take to get me to stop giving a Sh!t about others.

In the online version of the Matt Lauer interview, George Bush explains how he held his breath because Jay-Z called him a poopyhead.