Just when I think I know how stupid people can be, someone I know lowers the bar.

Use your newborn cousin as a paperweight and you're weird...what about the decades of non-weirdness? Do they count for nothing!?!

Hookers are a TSA uniform away from respectability.

Was checking on my little cousin last night and saw the new tooth fairy. The motherf*cker is scary. Mail the teeth to him. Don't let him in.

I'm starting to think that it's NOT a coincidence that women are nicer to me after I've had my penis in them.

Narcissism + Good Looks (for people in your former profession) + Obfuscation of facts + Lazy Press + Bigoted followers = Click Here

Special message to teens and twenty somethings, if every one of you has a cellphone with unlimited minutes, there's really NO reason to scream at the top of your lungs to get the attention of someone two floors above you.

Playing cards for money in someone's house is dumb. What's even worse is robbing the card game. I don't think this mask is fooling them...