Some guys get angry at a woman when they find out that they have no shot. Gee, think your anger problems might have something to do with it?

Hey, guy peeing on my tree, wanna know the difference between a dog and you? I'm not about to kick a dog's ass.

You know those people that have to get an insult in whenever they see you? They're emotional toll roads. Take the back streets from now on.

Thanks talk show for using extreme examples of behavior to make your point...and yes my relatives serious problem WAS solved in 48 minutes!

Breaking news!! Gay people sue Dancing with the Stars for implying that they like that sh!t. Film @ 6 & 11!

I'm going to the airport and I'm going to act like there's something suspicious in my pants. Huh? There's a TSA scandal?

The TSA's said that they just like me as a friend. Bastards.

If they added "...and no more lame ass romantic comedies" to a single payer healthcare bill, that shit would pass easily.

The voice in my head is an enabler...so I'm cool...hold on *listens to voice in head*....no i'm GREAT!!!!

Don't walk on the beach without wearing your McCains (Yeah, I just did a flip flop joke...what of it?)