Average looking guys, just wait...the hottie that laughed at you is 5 heartbreaks away from happily being in your bed. *maniacal laugh*

Ladies, protect your drinks when out partying...but leave your lipstick with strangers, because that can't lead to anything bad right?

Apparently in my family "I've got to go" means "please elongate this already boring story by 30 minutes" Yup.

Forget race, religion and socioeconomic status. We'll know that we have advanced as a society when ALL public toilets are regularly clean!

 I wonder if the people who voted AGAINST funding for the health care of our 9/11 first responders warmed up by kicking kittens and puppies.