Yup!

Message to guys on Maury, the hot woman hitting on your ugly ass in the green room is ALWAYS a decoy. YOU could NEVER get a woman like THAT.

I have fantasized about another while with a girlfriend. Admitted it? No. Have they ever done it? Yes. Admitted it? Yes. Did I care? No.

Ladies, if we're dating, don't stress about birthday or Christmas gifts. If you say YES more than NO...I'm cool. No gift needed. Thanks.

Mean receptionist, I make a living in the entertainment industry. YOUR rudeness doesn't even register. FYI, I'll probably be doing you soon.

As expected, she apologized and tried to give me her number. Nah, if you have "meanest" in you, you don't get my pe...uh you get the point.

Shh, be quiet...he doesn't know that no one gives a crap. - One of the most appropriate sentences ever.

I'm traveling the country & placing "And then pee on them and dig in your ear" signs under "Employees must wash hands" Realism is important.

Finding hair on soap is gross. I shouldn't be picky, it's not my hotel shower. These people sleep soundly. They should lock the door.

That's right *Shutter click* great shots. Come on, make love to the camera. Aw, come on that's gross! Don't be so literal candy, geez! 

I have just quit my job as Mel Gibson's rant ghost writer.