And there you have it...

Being kidnapped sounds pretty good right now. ALONE in a cold dark room, away from the family...why do people NOT like IT?...

Our Sun will burn out in a few billion years, which means it's going to be dark when I get out of the post office.

Advise from your cocoa buddy. When you send your condoms to the cleaners, tell them "light starch". You don't want to cut anyone accidentally.

Oh...you wanted me to wake you up with my alarm c"L"ock. Sorry. Well, since you're already awake...put the shoe down please...OW!!!

A bulb blew out and I couldn't see, because of that I had a hard time getting the key into the lock. Ah...teenage memories. SHUT UP!

If buttons have a certain number of pushes before breaking, is it so with erections? I'm sleeping with ice in my lap just in case.