Tattoos on some women...HOT. Her putting the tattoo on herself in your bathroom with a lighter, an ink pen and a hot spoon...uh, no.

Seeing arguments on twitter is like having the mailman deliver the wrong post cards to your house. 

Well, I'm off to chauffeur my two uncles...I hope they don't start making out in the back seat...crazy kids. Wait, what?

It's funny how the guys that play "Three Card Monte" start losing when you show them the game "Six Bullet Monte"

It sucks being the anvil doesn't it Mr. President? Well, if you'll check inside of the White House, you'll see tons of hammers, use them! 

It sucks knowing all of my friend's secrets. I always know trouble is coming beforehand. You'd think they'd be suspicious that I always have a camera running when one of them f*cks up.

Insects are smart enough to know to move before we swat them, but not enough to leave us alone. To be fair, I know people like that too.