Don't get your signal confused. My buddy thought shaking his car keys at his wife meant hurry up. Nope, it meant don't screw me for 11 days.

I now realize that as I've gotten older, I have developed so many fetishes, that there is NO part of a woman's body that doesn't excite me.

I wonder how much time the lying racist cable channel will spend clearing Ms. Sherrod's name? *crickets* Exactly. It is NOT a news channel

I am not shaving my body hair, laminating it and selling it on ebay...because that would be weird, right? *looks around, whistles, leaves*

I love conspiracy videos on the web. There's one about a news channel that just makes things up and people believe them anyway. Crazy huh?

Why is Godfather 3 on TV? That's like a 5 star restaurant going "Hey, where is that burnt steak that you dropped? Lets sell it."

I now realize that my bottomless smoothie drive thru may not have been the best idea...