Yup, Those Are My Words...

Bacon flavored condoms SEEMED like a good idea.....

I just got a letter from my doctor that says that my junk and my tongue produce high levels of THC and a natural fat burner. Ladies?

When brushing your teeth pay attention. Also...the "H" in "Preparation H" DOES NOT stand for "Has a pleasant taste" You have been warned.

It's funny...even when you grow up, you still don't outgrow your need for playtime...or candy...or spankings and titty sucking...

Well, the political ads are starting again...time to stock up on cheap TV's...because screens will be getting f*cking smashed!!!

I'll bet that lady in the Progressive commercials is kinky as hell. I'll bet she uses that Progressive pricing gun to...Don't Judge me!!!

I'm hiring a nightclub bouncer to man the velvet rope in front of my house. I need to keep it an a-hole free zone. There goes thanksgiving!