If you're easily offended, keep it moving!

Um, "Cut out the middle man"....is just A SAYING. DO NOT take it literally. Also, I need a place to lay low for a while...don't ask...

Why do we sign peoples casts? Do they really need written proof that they know...their mom?, their cousin?...the gym teacher etc?

If you get mad at someone and push them down the stairs make sure it's the DOWN escalator...or you'll be there all day. That is all.

I asked this lady to spank me and she says "Yes!", then when I told her what with, she gets all weird. I mean, it's not like it's HER cat!

I was going to put up a new picture of myself but surprise, I look the same. A few months doesn't change a person much. Besides my new tail wouldn't have been seen in the first picture anyway it's just a head shot. Wait, huh?

Speed dating has the same massive rejection of a singles bar without the alcohol haze to dull the pain...no thank you.

I caught a hot woman looking at me licking an ice cream cone the same way guys look at ladies eating a banana! Yeah! Sc-friggin-ore!