....and YOUR problem is?...

My guitar gently weeps...mainly because I suck at playing it. My piano overdosed on pills. Sad...so sad. It would help if I took lessons.

Who needs syrup of ipecac when we have political commercials.

I have a new shovel, lye, a big back yard...and a neighbor who had better stop being an a-hole quickly.

I love old movies that have white guys playing Asians, Blacks, etc. It's funny. FYI. I'm playing Reagan in "Weeeell, there you go again!"

Overheard a gynecologist tell some lady that she had a deep tight vagina...I now have whiplash from turning my head to see who she was.

Toyota just doesn't get it. They are now selling the Prius under the new title "Road Rage Assistance Pods" Slick Bastards.

Next year on American Idol, forget phone in votes....all I'll say is "Tomatoes" Huh? Huh?

Single male looking for LADY with testicle licking/sucking fetish...Shut up eHarmony! You're supposed to help me find what I'M LOOKING FOR!