Uh...I'M talking.....

Have you ever helped a child with their homework and realized that you've been out of school so long that you are now officially a moron?

One question to the ladies looking at my avi....so, how does your screen taste? Aww, yeah....

If the anesthesiologist enters the room bottomless. Reschedule.

Can we please stop using the suffix "awareness" for diseases that everyone is aware of and replace it with the suffix "getoffyourlazyassandhelpness" It would seem to me that this new suffix would be a little more accurate.

Uh, Sandra Bullock...if you want any more pretty African American babies....I would LOVE to help you out.

"Kidnap" sounds like "Catnip", too cutesy. Call it what it is, "Duct tape and drag" That being said, untie me before she takes my kidney!

If Sandra Bullock won't MAKE babies with me, maybe she'll ADOPT ME....and uh, I'm getting a little thirsty....

Enjoy rigorous and endless carnal knowledge of yourself...a service your mother provides strangers for a nominal fee. (you know who you are)

I try to be classy always. When I play with my junk...I always have my pinkies up.

It's not Tonsil "HOCKEY" officially unless there's ice in your mouth...& a bunch of drunk Canadians cheering...and a big stick in your hand.